This is the first in a three-part series on mental illness.
It’s the first time I’ve seen a therapist that I really liked, but it didn’t help.
My anxiety and depression started to get worse, and I couldn’t stay calm.
I didn’t feel like I had any friends.
There was a big drop in the quality of my work.
I felt like I was losing my mind.
In the end, I had to give up.
I didn’t want to continue to work.
But I was still in therapy.
As a professional, I know that I can’t be the one to say ‘You have to do this,’ because I can never say it to myself, but I do have to go through it.
The therapist I ended up with didn’t even want to talk to me.
She wanted to make me feel better.
I knew what was wrong with me.
After that, I was terrified.
I would go to my doctor’s office, but they wouldn’t tell me what was happening.
They didn’t have a lot of answers for me.
The next week, I went to see a therapist.
I just felt like, ‘You’re doing this for me, but you’re not helping me.
You’re not getting help.’
I would come home from therapy, and she would tell me, ‘It’s going to be okay.’
And I’d think, ‘Oh my God, I don’t understand what’s going on.’
But I still had anxiety, and it was very hard to get my anxiety under control.
What I realized is that you can’t take the pill and not be helped.
If you want to stop taking the pill, you have to try to get through it, and you have no choice but to do it.